Boris Johnson and PM to legalise prostitution in the build-up to 2012 Olympics.

In a leaked email between Boris Johnson and the PM, Johnson highlights the benefits of legalising the world’s oldest profession ‘Giving tourists access to more ‘attractions’ than just the Olympics will teach those f**kers in Russia they can’t take the World Cup from us and expect us not to go down without a fight’

Boris continued to outline plans to have British women who are deemed to be in the top 10% of attractiveness perform a form of ‘national service’ by being conscripted into prostitution. Suggesting that they would not only receive a fair wage, but also tax breaks for the following year.

An aide close to the PM has informed us that the PM was said to be thrilled with the plan adding ‘This is f**king brilliant, it'll go down a storm. Take that Brown! I am going to make a name for myself like Bush did!’. The PM was spotted excitedly flicking through fashion magazines and social media sites, presumably ranking the females of the UK.

It has been suggested that this change in law will be pushed through Parliament just after Christmas as ‘People will be hung over and it will seem like a good idea’.

According to our source, Nick Clegg seemed excited by the prospect until he realised that he wasn’t being asked to be a prostitute, the PM telling him ‘You are already being f**ked for cash mate!’

Missing H from HSBC in Canary Wharf

 

I was not happy when I noticed that the H of HSBC, Canary Wharf, London was incomplete. So I told them about it. 

 

 

Dear Nigel


I hope you are the right contact for this, if not, please forward my concerns to the relevant person. I live near Canary Wharf in London, it’s a lovely part of London, so clean and neat and organised. This suits my severe OCD rather well, I rarely feel the need to change things or become an architect just to please this debilitating disorder.

How do you think I felt when I was recently faced with this image?

Unhappy? Stressed? Near suicidal? Well, all of those things. How can you let this continue? Does this not make you cringe on the way in to work? This can be seen for miles around!

So, I have a deal for you. I have looked into abseiling equipment on ebay and think I could get quite a good price. So, if you supply me the rest of the ‘H’ and some glue (I recommend super glue rather than the previously used, wood glue) and pay the costs of my abseiling equipment,  I will fix the letter for you.

Also, if it’s ok with you, I would also like to rearrange the letters to BCHS, that way they are in alphabetical order and would suit my OCD a lot better.

Don’t worry about my experience either, when I was little I was a member of a scout troop and did some abseiling. So I am pretty sure I know what I am doing.

If you could please contact me asap to arrange payment for the abseil equipment and to provide me access to you roof that would be great.

Many thanks

AJ

*Note - I did not take this photo*