I hate Apple headphones

Dear Apple Customers,

People, please buy some nice, non-Apple headphones. I know that you think your iphone is cool and it has loads of apps that help you locate things like toilets, zoos, pubs or nail salons or maybe you can read books on it or surf the internet real quick, maybe you can even download a boarding pass or determine if a piece of toast really looks like Jesus or not. But it’s flawed. The whole thing is let down by one integral part of the iphone sales box and that is the headphones, headphones that 90% of Britain seem to sport are for sale on the street outside the apple factory in China for 50p and the vendors still make profit on that. Which means everyone has them and they are cheap, they are the headphone equivalent of Katie Price and nobody wants that.

The fact that you look cheap, unimaginative and monotonous is only part of the reason I hate Apple headphones. The fact that no matter where I am in London, whether it be in a park or by the river or on the tube it wont be long till I hear that familiar ‘Tsk tsk tsk’ sound of some Neanderthal with an iphone and regulation headphones turned up to the max. I can only imagine Apple have designed a headphone that acts as a portable speaker by resonating the sound inside your hollow head.

Also, most people don’t want to listen to your music, if they did they would have headphones in themselves. I don’t want to hear your song so clearly I can make out the words. I just don’t want to hear it at all. There is nothing more embarrassing than some suited city worker listening to Lady Gaga or Justin Beiber and everyone around him can hear it.

So, to solve this problem, as soon as you get your shinny new iphone or ipod the first thing you should do is open the box take the headphones out and flush them down the toilet or post them back to apple with a note that simply says ‘Really?’.

And if you could, for you own sakes and mine, stop being so cheap and buy some nice headphones.

Thanks

AJ