Welcome to Vodafone, where everyone can win a Darwin award!

Good Afternoon,

I thought I would try sending you an email since the gaggle of morons you have answering the phones there seem incapable of carrying out the most basic of tasks.

On the 14th of April 2011 my new, and expensive, HTC Desire HD developed a fault where it would constantly reset it's self. On the 15th I spoke to one of your ill qualified phone jockeys for assistance. The girl was nice enough to inform me that this was a fault known to Vodafone and, since I am a loyal customer, she would replace the phone next day. She did, however, seem to be drooling into the phone receiver and I foolishly put this down to excitement over actually sorting out a customer inquiry, rather than her intelligence being so low that she was actually trying to eat the phone.

Needless to say this phone didn't arrive and I was told that 'phone eater', whom you trust to liaise with customers, had 'forgotten to press the 'order' button. Delivery was, therefore, rearranged for the following day. Your agent apologised and told me he would take personal responsibility for my order, with that level of 'personal' attention, what could go wrong? Well, a lot! If he were a doctor and I were a patient I would have died somewhere on a mislaid gurney whilst he was in the canteen stuffing his face with Oreos and chatting to his colleagues about which one of his sisters is the better kisser.

This happened once more after this, until I realised that perhaps your recruitment system involves simply asking if someone was capable of picking up a phone receiver and grunting. Then you would give them a name badge and set them at a terminal ready to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting public. I desperately hope that this email will find it's way to somebody that is at least capable of reading and writing and perhaps manages to dress themselves from time to time. If so, could you see fit to rectify this problem asap. I would then urge you to look at rectifying the problems within the Vodafone customer services team. I would suggest putting a sign up saying 'free cake' and pointing it towards the fast lane of the nearest motorway and then just sit back and let nature take its course.

Many Thanks

AJ




Dear Mr Saxon,

We apologise for any inconvenience caused. We have looked into your issue and can confirm that we will be sending a replacement phone out tomorrow for you. We have also taken on board your comments about our service and training and these matters will be investigated further.

Many Thanks

Tom Holding
Vodafone Customer Service